My brother-in-law is dying. He has a terminal cancer that a miracle drug has kept him alive 4 1/2 years longer than expected. However, after his visit this past holiday season I truly believe he is not long for this world. He looks thin, tired and unhappy. He has two young daughters aged 5 & 10 that are so adorable but both are real handfuls. I love spoiling them and spending time with them but on a limited basis. My kids are all teens or above. I no longer need to find a babysitter for outings. I sleep as late as I want without interruption. No one pees the bed. No one spills crap on the carpet and the furniture doesn't get ruined. No one lies and everyone does their homework without prompting. I don't even have to go to school plays anymore, just one award ceremony at the end of the year. My sister-in-law is 50 years old with such young kids and I don't understand how she does it. Well she does complain a lot and she makes her husband feel guilty about getting sick. I think he's partially lost his will to live because of her nagging and complaining about finances and his lack of being a helpful spouse. He's sick but that doesn't stop her.
Anyway, I do like my sister-in-law just not the way she is behaving right now. This has become an issue for me. We have money, they don't. I do not mind helping one bit. I will not give to the point of hurting my family for the sake of hers but I do give the girls the extras they are lacking. I think lately though she sees us as easy money. She tried to get my husband to hire hers as his accountant. He can't function at that level right now yet she is so money hungry she wants him to work. She is not used to being poor but this illness took everything from them and I sense her resentment. I feel bad theynlost everything. I really do and sympathize completely but I just feel that no matter how bad things are financially she should be focused on PEOPLE not money. She whines if any family member spends money on designer items or expensive trips while her girls don't get to go on field trips because it cost too much. We give them money and it's gone really fast. I don't mind helping but completely supporting is a whole other issue! This makes me feel selfish.
Another reason is that my husband wants his brother closer. He would be willing to pay for an apartment for them so they can live closer but I really don't want that. The selfish reason is that I'm sure my sister-in-law is the type that would dump the kids at my house as often as she could. She would claim that the girls just want to spend time with us. We have another family member that is very wealthy and my sister-in-law flat out admitted she hoped that they would just write them a check. She only thinks about money! So I get defensive and don't want them too close because I feel like she would sap the life out of me. I can't handle young kids anymore. My husband wants a house full of them. He makes me feel selfish because I don't want to be bothered taking care of little kids anymore. He just comes home and hugs them for 20 minutes then goes to bed or back to work. I don't think even he realized just how little time he spent with the girls this time around. Anyway, I'm trying to be more open about this. I think about how would I feel if my situation were reversed. I have had nothing though. We seriously were in massive debt with terrible credit. Our car (we couldn't afford two) was constantly getting fixed and our kids got Christmas presents from strangers who gave to "adopted" us because we were so poor. The thing I remember most about that time:we were HAPPY! We were close and yes, financially we struggled but we made the most from popping in a video we had seen a thousand times and munching on popcorn together as a family. We didn't care about presents and items too much. Occasionally we would get a windfall and splurge but nothing could tear us apart.
I may act selfish about this all but it's just we have come so far. No one was there for us when we were struggling so why is it that everyone wants a piece of us now that we are on top of the world? They think we have no right to be as well off as we are even though we worked HARD for everything. I worked hard to have my peace and freedom. It's my turn to travel, volunteer and work when I want. I still work hard but not a typical 40 hour a week job. I don't mind helping, I just can't do it all.
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