My Dark Side

Everyone thinks I'm sweet. I even got voted "sweetest personality" when I was in high school. I don't feel that nice. Sometimes, people make me really angry. Sometimes I want to claw their eyes out. I'm not a bad person but I'm a real person who knows that she has a dark side that the rest of the world is not privy to see. I have a lot of anger these days. We have had tragedy strike and lying cheating business partners exposed. I'm most angry about the business stuff. Natural disasters aren't really preventable. Being a complete douchebag is preventable as is not being a sucker. So the EX business partner failed to stop being a douchebag and we failed at not being a sucker. I'm most angry about being suckered. How could I be so damn trusting? Why do I feel the need to trust everyone I meet and think they are honest people who have no evil thoughts in their brain? It's a character flaw. Maybe. I am not sure. I know I hate being around people who have nothing positive to say and who think the world is out to get them. I can't live like that. When I trust a person who turns out to be worthy of that trust, it's so rewarding. I have wonderful relationships. Strong relationships. Deep relationships. But when I trust someone who doesn't deserve it, it really hurts. It sucks! I hate that I give like a thousand chances too! I think to myself, "oh maybe they just had a bad day" or "maybe I just heard wrong". My worst one over this latest episode: maybe he really needs the money more than we do to be desperate enough to cook the books. I'm such an idiot.

So now I sit here with my dark side emerging wanting to squash this jerk into the ground. I want his business to fail. I want his reputation to suffer. I want the entire world to know this guy is greedy and was using us to get rich(er). But what would that prove or what good would it even do? There is a saying about success being the best revenge. I guess that will have to do. As I write this and vent, I feel my stupid sweet side trying to smoothe the waters. I don't really want to see this guy destroyed, just wounded. I can't even hold a proper rage! What is wrong with me? I really do have a dark side. It's just not cooperating with me right at this moment. So I'll just it end it with this: JR, you lied and you let those who represent you treat us like crap. It will take me a long time to forgive you; a very long time. And D, I really am tired of your fake self. Don't smile at me and act like you're my best friend when I know you long to plunge that knife into my back.

My dark side is a wimp.